These Advice shared by My Father That Saved Me as a New Parent

"I believe I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

But the reality quickly became "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her chief support in addition to caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The straightforward words "You are not in a good spot. You need support. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a larger inability to communicate amongst men, who often internalise damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It is not a show of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a respite - spending a few days away, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan views fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "bad actions" when younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a family member, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of you is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they faced their pain, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I think my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."